“Put that in your blog.”
Actually, I think I will.
I have a little brother who has been diagnosed with leukemia.
I have a husband who was airlifted to the hospital just days ago.
I have clients, children, a human growing in my womb, a home to run, and many more personal things weighing on my mental load at this time that I am not able to share.
No matter how hard I try to put good back into the world and be a kind person, I will still always be the villain of someone else’s story, and I accept that.
Trauma attracts trauma. So, when we’re hurting or going through hard seasons, and maybe even all the way back to unresolved childhood trauma; that is what we attract.
All it takes is one person to decide they don’t want to suffer in the trauma anymore, and suddenly the attraction is gone. The person who chooses to heal and step back from things that have become too much, is remade into the villain of the story.
I let myself be a crutch for others. I let them hang their coat on me and soak me in everything that haunts them. The friendship becomes one sided and theirs is the important one.
It’s okay to love other people. It’s okay to love damaged people, whole people, people who don’t even know what they are; but letting yourself become the crutch and letting them avoid the trauma in their life that needs addressed in more ways than just a friend can do, is not acceptable.
Over the last 8 months or so, I’ve learned many many things from my wonderful therapist. One of the biggest being I am only responsible for myself. Me, myself, and my well being. And in turn, I lost friends along the way.
We need room to heal and the love and support to go with it. Eventually, we grasp what our limits are and where the road stops. We learn who to live up close and who to love from afar.
Recently, I was shown a beautiful analogy and I think it’s a perfect fit for this situation.
We all meet as caterpillars at some point in our journey. Through life and all of what we endure, we reach the stage of entering our chrysalis. We cocoon without knowing who we will become on the other side. When we emerge, we will either be a butterfly or a moth. Being one or the other is perfectly okay, but they live different lives. So, when you reach the other side and see that you are one and the person you love is another, it can be devastating. But, life works in funny ways. God works in funny ways. Some will only be with us for a season, and as hard as that is, it is the truth.
Seasons can be painful, but there can also be joy found in the pain. Dig deep enough and you’ll find meaning behind your struggles, and you’ll see who is only meant to be here for a season, and then comes a time of learning and growth.
I am flawed, imperfect, and most days my judgement calls just plain suck. But, I am human. I will always make mistakes, just as I will always own them and make sure I put my best foot forward the next day with every intention of doing better.
Brett was in the shed Sunday and while trying to get some holiday decorations, the ladder slid out from under him. He took a nasty, high fall onto the cement floor. He was coherent and talking, but due to the amount of pain he was in and the severity of the fall, they made the call to airlift him to Mercy.
I was put in a consult room and forgotten. It took over an hour and me hunting down a nurse for them to realize it.
After scans and X-rays, he has a broken elbow and a good concussion. He’s in a hell of a lot of pain, and it shows. He’s going to have a long few weeks ahead of him.
They kept him overnight to start with for observation. His dad and I were sent home, they wouldn’t allow anyone to stay with him. Leaving him was absolutely devastating and made going to bed that night nearly impossible.
He was discharged Monday morning and he’s been home trying to rest and manage his pain the best we can. He will see the orthopedic surgeon Friday to decide if they want to do surgery or just cast him.
This was one of the absolute scariest things I’ve ever seen and had to remain calm through. We’ve had scares before, but seeing the person you love not only fall, but hearing them tell you they’re going to be airlifted is mind numbing.
Our family is so grateful for the outpouring of love, support, prayers, good vibes, etc. It really helped bring comfort and I firmly believe all of the good stuff sent our way is what got Brett home within 24 hours and though he’s in so much pain, he’s going to be okay.
Adjusting to the new normal is going to be rough, but I know God will see us through it until we see the other side of this. God and His will always prevail, and now is no time for me to decide to let my faith waiver.
Always be grateful for the good in your life, and even the bad, for it reminds you just how good the good really is.
I will praise you, Oh Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, Oh most high.
After nearly four years I'm down to one baby in my bed, and honestly, my mama heart doesn't know how to feel.
At the start of the year we moved Luci to her bed, still in our room, Jax is sleeping in Alvi's baby crib, again, still in our room, and Alvi is currently napping and sleeping parts of the night in her baby swing, right next to my bed.
Their official bedtime is 8:30. What do I do with all of this free time? I plan, clean, and most of all, I take a big, deep breath and I pray for tomorrow to be better. Always.
My bed is near empty, but my heart is so full. My babies are getting older and I'm in awe watching them learn, grow, and become their own little people.
Everyday I pray for the grace, kindness, and love that they need to continue growing into the amazing individuals they are becoming.
I pray for a quiet voice, an open heart, and sometimes patience even though that one scares me sometimes. We may not want to face the tests God will send to grant us the gift of patience, but if we don't, how will we ever grow?
This day came a lot quicker than I thought it would. THey say if you blink 50 years will go by, and I'm slowly seeing the truth behind that.
Luci starts kindergarten this fall, and I am terrified. Not because I feel like she won't succeed, because I am ready to watch her soar. But, where did my baby go? The one that made me a mom. I look at her and I see a mini version of myself, still unscathed by the outside world, ready to conquer each and everyday and quite frankly, it is just scary.
Being a mom is scary, but when you look at what our world is coming to, it can be absolutely soul wrenchingly terrifying. How will we ever truly prepare them? Have we done enough, too much, what did we miss?
As parents we made the choice to bring them into this world, and we have to wake up everyday and continue to prepare them for the world as it continues change.
Instead of succumbing to the fear, I tell you to pray. Pray like your child's life depends on it, because really, it does.
Pray for the right tools and lessons to teach them so they can feel invincible when they do take their first steps into the world without you. Give them the confidence to go all in, unafraid of failing and aiming for their best.
We won't always be there to hold their hands when life gets messy, but we can do our very best to prepare them for these times.
Today, hold them a little longer, squeeze them a little tighter, and remind them how incredibly remarkable they are and all of the great things they are going to do for the world someday.
I did something this morning that I haven't done in a very long time.
I laughed. A real, genuine, make your belly and face hurt, kind of laugh!
If I could lend you my eyes to see the world, even for just a second, I would. Life isn't always that way for me, and I know dark days will still come because I am human, but slightly over a month ago I made a choice. A choice to view the world in a more positive, glowing light.
When I chose to let go of all the things that were weighing me down, hurting my soul, and causing me to be nothing but flustered, my laugh has returned.
The goodness that came from that feeling wasn't something I knew I was actively missing. Going up from here is the only thing I can focus on. We cannot let outside forces come and take these things from us. It takes work. Lots and lots of work, but my goodness, is it worth it!
My world has done a complete 360 degree turn and it just continues to get better. Change your attitude and you will see that the life around you starts to change on its own. Your perspective is changing and the world as a whole begins to change with it. Everything begins to feel brand new, exciting, joyful.
So, for today, I am going to enjoy my laughter, as goofy as that sounds. Indulge in coffee and snuggles with my kids by the fire place, and put my focus on the right here and right now with my family.
Tomorrow is a new day full of so many opportunities for joy and laughter. Don't let them pass you by in your times of temporary chaos.
You cannot change anyone. They choose who they want to be, just as you choose who you are. You cannot control their actions, words, or feelings.
You can, however, choose who you surround yourself with. You can choose how you respond to others and their choices.
Choose better. Be better. You do not have to hurt others, bring them down, or be a bitter person.
Actions will always speak louder than words. It is a tough pill to swallow when the time comes, but life will be so much better from then on. If actions never change, there is a lesson to be learned.
Talking until you are blue in the face to a deaf ear makes no impression. Save your words, and save your heart. The right people won't leave your heart aching or put you in questionable positions.
Better will come, better will find you. God makes sure of that. He sends us the right people, at the right time. Some people are only meant to be a lesson, but most will stick by your side through crazy storms and choose to love you on your hard days. God will never leave nor forsake you. He hasn't yet, and He never will. He is our one true constant and if we set our sight on Him, the rest begins to fall into place. We understand what lessons certain people were teaching us, and it makes it just a little easier to move forward.
You are kind.
You are strong.
You are brave.
You are smart.
You are loved.
You, my friend, are worthy.
Remind yourself of this every morning when you wake and every night before you go to bed. Your worth is not dependent on another persons opinion of you. It is just that; an opinion.
I don't know about you, but God says you, my friend, and I, are pretty great and I choose to believe that.
If you think back on the basic principles you were raised with, what comes to mind?
I was taught to always help others in their time of need. Whatever you can do to help others, because helping others will soothe your soul as well as theirs.
At the beginning of September a few members of our family stepped up to the role of being caretakers for my grandparents.
My children are young and two out of the three that are home with me full time have been staying with my mother in law a much larger portion of the time than I would have liked, and our youngest stayed with me while I stayed my nights and days. But, we all made sacrifices to do what needed to be done.
I am first and foremost a mother, and I love my children dearly, but I also love my grandparents and know that they needed help.
I missed Alvi’s first steps, the kids run to their dad when they get hurt, and my kids are completely complacent spending their days with their grandma.
Should someone go out of their way to help you, lift you up, make sure your needs are met before their own, please remember to show them kindness and grace in return.
We don't always share our battles with others because we feel the need to keep up a facade. We may look weak if we are struggling or need help. But, God specifically tells us to turn to Him in our time of need. That includes asking for prayers, admitting we struggle, and that at times we need help, especially from Him.
We can lift each other up in prayer. be lights for one another, and lend a helping hand. We can lead each other back to God when we start to stray with the stress and burdens of life. We were never meant to carry them alone.
On both ends of the spectrum, this is time I will never be able to get back. These things cannot be relived, the moments have passed. There isn't a thing I would change, but choosing to lighten the load is making a world of a difference.
Sacrifice is a lot for anyone, but it feels especially hard for mothers. We sacrifice so much and some days we get so little, if anything in return. We question whether or not what we're doing is worth it.
I am here to remind you it is worth it. So worth it. Get up everyday and continue to make the right choices, do the right thing even when no one is looking, and set your sights high.
God sees us and He knows our hearts better than we know them ourselves. He created us to be who we are. He hears our silent prayers, our quiet pleas for help, and he knows the words that go with our tears when we can't find them ourselves.
Turn to Him in your darkest hours, and watch the light come flooding in. No matter how far we wander, He never leaves us. We are never really alone, no matter how it may feel.
If you've been feeling lonely whether you are surrounded by others or completely on your own, turn your eyes and heart to God. You will see you have never been alone. He will fill even the darkest holes with light, and lift you to higher ground.
There are billions of people on this earth and no two are the same.
There are so many people, yet only a few who will truly cheer you on and push you to be your best. Not everyone will be kind and uplifting.
There are billions of people on this earth and no two are the same. There are so many people, yet only a few who will truly cheer you on and push you to be your best. Not everyone will be kind and uplifting. I admit I’ve had my moments of ugly. Moments where I spoke rude, cruel, hurtful words. Through the years it finally clicked that my mom was right. Just because you inflict pain on someone that hurt you first does not fix or make the situation any better.
Words can be so much more damaging than physical pain. The words we speak to another person have the ability to stay with them for years. It isn’t always the exact words you said, but they remember how you made them feel in that moment.
I cannot speak for you, but I would rather someone remember the kindness and light they felt from whatever I said to them, than feelings of hurt or pain.
It is never too late to change the way we make people feel. Choose to be someone who lifts others up in their time of need instead of kicking them while they’re down. The world could use some genuine love and kindness right now.
There will always be room to grow and be better than who you were yesterday, or even five minutes ago. We are all imperfect people who make mistakes and start down the wrong path. What sets you apart is how you choose to react when you realize you have done something wrong.
Love and hate. Two very powerful words. Use them sparingly. If I tell someone I love them, in whatever form it may be, I mean it with every ounce of my being or I would not say it aloud.
Hate. Four letters that reflect so much in one very small word. Years ago, the hatred I felt for anyone or anything left my soul. You cannot grow with hate in your heart. Be so full of love that there is no room for hate. We are not called to hate, but to love one another. Regardless of their wrongdoings. In the end, it will only be you that feels any pin. I may have a strong distaste or dislike for something but never will I have anyone for anything.
We all have experienced pain, and continue to because this prod is overcome with it. Choose to grow instead of letting it overtake you.
Start over. Right here, right now. Make the you from five minutes ago a kinder, more gentle person. The world needs more people like you.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart. And you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is wash and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Every night before I go to sleep I close my eyes and I pray.
Before I start my prayer, I envision this verse and I see myself at the feet of God asking for the rest He promises us.
When I do this I feel a sense of relief and peace. It makes my prayer so much easier. My focus is right where it should be, and I can feel Him surrounding me. His love is meant to surround us and fill our souls. It is only “optional” should you choose to not let yourself be enveloped by His never ending grace and forgiveness.
When you push His love aside and let the worlds’ anxiety’s and fears control you, you are leaving no room for God. How can He help you if you have the door to your heart and mind closed?
I urge you to try this next time you find yourself with a quiet moment for prayer before bed, or even when you get up to start your morning.
Wake before the children and husband and bustle of life start. Take just twenty minutes to yourself to spend in His presence and see what kind of a difference it makes for your day.
Whoever you are and whatever you do, do it as the most genuine version of yourself and let it fill your heart with joy.
God created each and every one of us entirely different from one another for a reason. We are meant to learn, grow, and love those around us. We are stitched together individually so that we may shine our light for others in the way God intended it to come from us.
The way I share my love and kindness to others does not have to be the same as anyone else, nor them for me.
We all have our own purpose, our own path that will lead us where we are meant to be, and climb the mountains God has created for us.
Let God take the lead and show you which way to go. He shows the way if you seek Him out.
If you feel a tug at your heart, a reoccurring dream, a feeling you just can’t shake - follow it. That is God telling you where to go, what your purpose is, the path He has laid out for you.
Yhe sooner you accept what He is asking you to do, the sooner you will see His plans begin to unfold.
If you continue hiding and ignoring His signs, it will only pull you further from where you are meant to be and the great things He has in store for you.
Thus is your sign. You’ve been praying about it, searching your heart, asking God, and this is it. Make that really difficult choice, whatever it is that God has set on your heart; take the leap. Trust Him. Start the climb. God is waiting to greet you at the top of that mountain.
It’s okay that you are not okay. It’s okay that Karen didn’t like your lasagna recipe, or everyone in the drop-off line at your kids’ school saw you in your pajamas because you forgot to turn the child lock off on the back door. Life is messy, and we can’t be perfect all the time.
Things will always be difficult and hectic, that won’t ever change. It is how we respond to it that matters. Let the waves come and keep swimming. The strength you gain from the trouble you face today will make you stronger for tomorrow.
Life is not meant to be easy. God sends us trials to help us grow and remind us to lean on Him when the trouble feels like more than we can handle. He never sends anything we cannot conquer, but we have to remember to look to Him to guide us and get us to the other side.
When you start to feel down and out, like the whole world is fighting against you, it is okay to be upset. It is okay to feel sad, hurt, angry even. Feel your feelings because they are valid, they are real.
Once you have acknowledged how you feel, you have to start processing those feelings. Let yourself feel them through and through. Get to know them.
Then, you stand back up. Plant your feet firm on the ground, and you continue moving forward.
Hold your head a little higher, brush off the first, and own it. Let what you felt inspire you to grow and be stronger than before this mountain.
God sends our trials to remind us we are not meant to do it on our own. He is one rock and our support, and when we turn away, the trials only get harder.
The closer I get to God and the more I open my heart and ears, the more peace I have started to feel. It is an overwhelming sense of joy and absolute rest.
Let go and let God. That’s what we are meant to do, and the sooner you do the sooner you will find your peace.