If you’re faced with a life with any similarities to mine, you’ve faced a lot of things. Many you may not even speak of.
We’re faced with near death, death, loss of many different varieties, heartache, and what feels like nothing but brokenness.
In the face of all of these, we change. Sometimes permanently, and sometimes it fades.
In the face of loss and death, we become more grateful for life. We see how fleeting this life is and how quickly anything can change at a moments notice.
Other times we lose ourselves. We got lost in the pain, the loneliness, the inability to understand why we choose to hold others together while we watch ourselves fall apart.
As life goes on, we adjust. The unresolved trauma makes us disconnect from how we felt in the beginning. We succumb to being numb again, we stop putting ourselves first, we forget how to be grateful for what we have and how fast it could be taken for us.
I don’t want to be that person, not anymore, and I’ve been fighting like hell to not revert back to how I was before I started my journey with my therapist yet again.
I want to love and be loved. I want to extend my hand to the universe, and have it returned eventually. That may sound selfish, but unless you’re someone who always makes sure others can glue themselves back together, while your hands are scarred and bleeding from picking up your own pieces, it’s a little hard to understand.
If you’re me - put yourself back together first. You can still help others, but stop breaking yourself for nothing. Stop letting yourself go because you want to save everyone else.
Be kind, be gentle, lift others up. But, stop leaving yourself on the floor, shattered and broken.
If you happen to be someone who doesn’t do these things, I applaud you. I also ask you to remind those of us who can’t do what you do quite yet that we have to rest. Remind us that we have to take a step back and heal ourselves. Remind us that we matter, too.