Sometimes, I wonder what my life would look like if I had been different growing up. What if I hadn’t pushed people away, and done what I could to keep them at a distance?
Would my blog have more readers, from being known in a better light during school, from a bigger group of people who pass around my link and think it’s just the coolest thing?
I may wonder, but I don’t wish for anything to be different. I like writing and it brings me joy, but if I don’t become some worldwide infamous blogger, I’m okay with that. I remind myself constantly that I don’t do this for the numbers, but for the select few who find this because it’s exactly what they need in this season of their life.
I can do this, even without thousands of followers. I can keep writing, sharing, and growing on this journey I’ve started. My faith and trust fall into God’s hands, and He wouldn’t have put starting a blog on my heart without a purpose.
Some may laugh, some may chuckle under their breath, and others may cheer, push, and encourage me to keep going, keep fighting, keep doing what brings joy to my heart.
Others seem to have things come to them much easier than others, but not everyone shares their journey and what it took for them to get where they are. Some of us just struggle a little more, because we had entirely different lives that took us down different paths.
I envy those who have all the things. The cool, expensive baby wagons, fancy clothes, a fully finished home, and a whenever they want to buy something they have the luxury of just hitting that “order“ button and it’ll be there in a couple days.
That isn’t my story, though. So I have to learn to trust the path I’ve been put on, and the direction that God sends me. I am entirely, fully, thoroughly, overly blessed and I remind myself of that every time I start wishing for “things.”
I have a husband who adores me (most days), 4 children who love me regardless of my flaws, my small, endearing tribe of lovely ladies who keep me standing tall, but will still sit with me when I need them to, a home that keeps us warm and cool, a fancy chicken farm, and by far the coolest family anyone could ask for. These things are far greater than any possessions I could ever wish to acquire.
Things get tough, but we always figure out it. Life is hard, but there’s always a reprieve right around the corner. What’s meant to be mine will find its way, and what isn’t I accept with a full and grateful heart.