But, Why?

Updated: Mar 2

When God put the seed of a blog in my heart, I felt a multitude of emotions.

Excitement over sharing His word and shining His light to others. Joy in sharing my soul and our journey, but cringing at the thought of letting others see our chaos, and frightened by the thought of judgement.

Privacy is something I cherish, and we also seen a fair amount of over sharing in the social media world. The last thing I wanted was to become someone who airs her dirty laundry. It took a lot of thought and praying, but I realized that is the opposite of what I would be doing.

One is only airing dirty laundry if you are gossiping, putting others down for their actions, or having the “woe is me” complex and mindset. “This will never get better, my life is pointless, everyone hates me” etc.

I was raised to be brave and fearless, knowing I have a purpose and God has His reasons for our trials. I may vent and shake my fists some days, but I seek no pity. These are my battles, my troubles, my hardships, and I prefer privacy for these moments. They are for me, my family, and my God.

Or, better, they were.

Now, I choose to be transparent and share with others, but under the pretenses that I am just like everyone else. Living and learning, falling and growing. There are days of triumph and days of utter defeat. Even with my faith, I am imperfect and require help, guidance, and a heck of a lot of Jesus, just like everyone else. My trials are meant to grow me as a person, and my faith and trust in God. Christians are not perfect, and those who claim to be give a false sense of who and what our God is capable of.

Lately, I’ve been down and out. Honestly, the lowest I’ve been in a couple years. I’ve been questioning everything. My role as a mother, a wife, a daughter, granddaughter, friend, a person as whole, and even questioning God Himself. I even considered stopping my blog.

Not to say I was giving up on God and this storm ever passing, but how could I continue to profess my faith while questioning it? That feels extremely hypocritical. So, I picked up the best book I own, and started reading.

When I open my Bible, I always leave it up to God and let Him guide me in His word. Unless I’m part of a Bible study or have something specific I’m looking for, I always just open my book where it may and let God do the talking.

A story from the Bible we hear a lot about is the book of Job. Only, until today, I’ve never personally read it. To say I was thoroughly confused is an understatement. Whenever people use this book as a reference to Job’s unfailing love and faith in God, they tend to leave out his, in my opinion, vital “moment“ with God.

See, anyone I’ve heard speak of this story, leaves out this very important part. I only assumed that even after losing it all and having nothing left, Job never questioned God. I assumed that his faith never wavered, and he stood tall and strong.

Here, all this time, that couldn’t be any further from the truth. And, today, I needed to know that.

With time, effort, and some stoking of the fire, I finally reached for my Bible and God sent me the answer I hadn’t even really asked for. I didn’t have anything specific in mind when I opened the door for Him to talk to me. I took a step back, and I opened my ears and the door to my heart.

I took a step back, let His message settle in my heart, and decided to continue writing and sharing, even on the darkest days. I walked away with the message I so desperately needed.

Whatever battle you’re facing, whatever hardships are coming your way right now, are going to pass. This storm will not last forever. Better days are coming. Hold on tight, and continue to prepare for your breakthrough. Your day is coming, my sweet friend. Have faith and sleep well in knowing that tonight. You are not alone, and your God is bigger than anything satan can throw your way.

Persevere. Keep going. Satan will continue to push doubt and pain upon us, willing us to question and ultimately walk away from God. That is when he truly succeeds, and I don’t know about you, but I would rather see what God has in store for me than the one who lead Eve to eat the fruit and attempt to eternally damn us all. No, thank you.

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