One of my greatest faults by far, is how willingly kind I am to people who do not think twice about what they ask of others.
It is always the right choice to be kind, but when that kindness becomes something a person takes advantage of and others use as a crutch, it becomes a not so great thing anymore. Maybe kind isn’t the best word, but it’s the closest thing to what I’m trying to convey that I can think of right now.
For as long as I can remember, I have bailed people out of situations, given them the answers, and accepted their use of me as a door mat. And, today is the day. The day that it comes to an end.
My cup is constantly empty, and I am forever doing the right things for all the wrong reasons. It has lead to others feeling entitled, because instead of leading them to do things for themselves, I always do it for them and rescue them. Sadly, I am now to blame for all the undoings of what I cannot force myself to do any longer.
I grew up when I was 8 years old, and I’ve always thought that meant I should help others from meeting that same fate. Turns out, that was probably the wrong choice. I accept that I am not perfect, and I have limits. That isn’t easy, because I’ve always gone above and beyond for certain people, and I’m starting to see that it was me who was my own worst enemy. I’ve created the facade that I can do it all, fix it all, rescue everyone. And, now, I can hardly rescue myself.
Am I perfect? No. Do I have plenty of faults? You’re darn right I do. I’ve made the wrong choices, I’m not always as kind as I could be, or loving, accepting, and as great as I feel like I aim to be. But, boy, do I try. And I try, and I try, and I try.
If it isn’t obvious, I am struggling rather hard right now. My life might look like I have it all together, it may look easy and inviting, but I don’t want people to look at our family, or even myself, and see perfection. I am perfectly imperfect giving it my all to survive and see another day.
The only difference now, is that I want a different life, a different me, a better outcome. I want a life full of kind people, love, affection, gratitude, joy, happiness, adventure, excitement, and above all, Jesus. Because, God knows, I cannot do this on my own.
Without God and His unfailing love, I am truly nothing. I don’t deserve forgiveness, unconditional love, a chance to start over every single day, but God grants me that anyway. He grants each and every single person that, if they should choose it, and friends, it is time to make a new choice. A better choice.
So, here’s a cheers to starting fresh, truly working to remove the gunk, and live a kind (but not overextendingly kind), gratitude filled, joyful, wonderful life. It is never too late to start over and create the best version of who you can be. Start today. Start now. You can begin again.