Competitions & Love Don’t Mix

Updated: Jul 21

Have you ever had someone ask you a question, given your response, and they’ve decided to come back with why they have it better, worse, or maybe that you’re just not right? Why do we feel the need to compete in something that’s already so so difficult at best?

Life is not a competition and I no longer let these conversations take place. I kindly remove myself from the conversation because I was not put on this earth to compete with anyone. The only person I want to be better than is who I was yesterday. There’s always room to grow, we will never be fully done learning new tricks and trades to this crazy life.

Our struggles all look and feel entirely and immensely different. No two souls react or feel the same way as one another. We’re capable of having empathy, but we cannot directly feel the depth of how a specific situation feels to another beings soul.

I’ve had so many friendships end because I refuse to compete in something I don’t believe in. I don’t think any single one of us is better off than another, and I don’t share my struggles to make someone think they have to make sure I know that theirs are worse than mine could ever be. I do it to give someone else a chance to not feel so alone, to know they aren’t the only one. I do it to level with others so that we can stop chastising each other for not being perfect.

Have you ever found yourself silently competing with your spouse? I sure have, and it’s just Satan trying to destroy the good things we have in our lives.

”I mean yeah, he works long hours, he might be gone days at a time, but I still do more. I’m the one who does the laundry, the cleaning, the raising of these chaotic children. I keep the house in semi working order. Why can’t he do more? Why can’t he see I’m the only one showing up and doing the things that really have to be done?”

Oof. I pray I’m not the only one that’s had those thoughts. I don’t always recognize it when they start and next thing I know my attitude is getting worse, I’m edgier, my feelings start to fester and grow as I grovel about all the things I do on my own without asking for help.

A few things can be taken away from this.

One being that it took a very long time for me to realize that Brett honestly cannot read my mind. He doesn’t know what I’m thinking, what I’d like help with, where I feel like I’m struggling trying to catch up. If I don’t actually voice what I need to him, he can’t help.

Next is that marriage and parenting are the very last things we should ever turn into a competition. We need one another to make it to the other side of all that it takes to raise little ones. Yes, there are single parents who do it on their own, and I applaud you. Highly. But, if you’re married, stop convincing yourself that it‘s nothing more than competing to see who can do the most or the least amount of work. At the end of the day, neither one of you are walking away with a gold medal. I mean, we don’t in this house, anyway.

If you’re looking for competition here, you won’t find it. I’ve never enjoyed it, but I always stuck around hoping it would end. That they would see I’m not going to show up for that, only to have things grow more sour and bitter.

All I want is a quiet, peaceful life with the people I love.

Yes, I’m a mama to four children, and I’m still allowed to want a peaceful life.

Peace doesn’t mean to be without chaos, messiness, or a hectic schedule. To me, it means to live without drama. To be without worry or fear of judgement, to have people who respect and understand my boundaries. People I spend my time with because they put my soul at ease after a hard day, they help me find the light when it seems so dim and unattainable. The ones I don’t have to fear are going to leave me after one of my especially hard days.

Listen. If you find yourself angry, spiteful, and envious of the way someone else is living, stop and ask yourself why. We all have deep rooted troubles that need tending and pruning. If you see someone’s life and think “must be nice” what can you do differently in your own to change those feelings?

I promise, the sooner you stop competing, the sooner you’ll find real joy and wholeness in your own life. This life. The only one you’ll ever get, and my dear, none of us make it out alive anyway. So, why are you self destructing?

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