Decisions & Rain

If you read yesterday’s post, you know I had a phone call appointment. What I left out is that it was a regular follow up with my psych. Not usually a big deal, but our conversation yesterday was pretty lengthy.

The reason I’m doing this, is because at some point I will share what has been decided. I’m just not ready yet.

The girls have me absolutely wiped. Alvi walked up to me last night, looked at me, and projectile vomited into my lap. Her and I took a bath, and it wasn’t long before Brett was carrying Luci in, who had done virtually the same thing. The puking has subsided again, but we are all absolutely exhausted.

Alvi slept until 9:45 this morning, was napping by 10:15, and is currently napping again. I’m keeping a very close eye on them, and at the moment I don’t feel a trip to the emergency room is necessary. They’re both taking in fluids and using the bathroom, so they are not dehydrated at the moment. Luckily, it’s a rainy, dreary week so being stuck inside due to being sick again isn’t as hard as it was the first couple times.

Do you ever feel like it’s especially when you’re wiped out that things just continue to snowball? Or is that just me? The kids left the bathroom door open and the toilet seat up in our main bathroom so the cat took a bath in the toilet (on purpose), I left the room for five minutes and Yankee ate my phone charger, again, and when I let her out to go to the bathroom on two different occasions she stepped in her own poop both times. Alvi went to bed rather easily, but as soon as I laid her in her crib she barfed everywhere. Don’t worry, I got her all cleaned up, the bed clean, and re-situated her for the night.

I’m going to go back just a tad bit, but today during nap time I stayed up so I could attempt to sleep tonight. I picked up a book I've been working on reading for I’d say over a month now. It’s called Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, and I absolutely love its entire message. The part I picked up in was aimed entirely at things I’m currently working on, and it’s just a huge reminder to me that nothing happens by accident. God had me put my book down for weeks, because He knew I was going to need this specific part of this book at this very time on my journey.

As much as I’ve felt alone the last couple weeks, I’m constantly being reminded that I am indeed never alone. There is a plan much bigger than I, and I just need to trust the process and have faith.

Tomorrow is therapy day, so it’s time to wrap up my night and go to bed. As I do so, I’ll be reminding God when I pray that my new focus is on the inside of my home. The people that matter most to me deserve more, and it’s time they get the kindness I keep spreading to others instead of them first. I still love all my people, and will continue to be kind in many ways, but 99% of my gestures of kindness and love need to be focused to my children, to Brett, to my family who is struggling. Remember that you matter, too. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you can’t give your family kindness if you’re giving it all away. You’ll have nothing left to give them at the end of the day.

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