After nearly four years I'm down to one baby in my bed, and honestly, my mama heart doesn't know how to feel.
At the start of the year we moved Luci to her bed, still in our room, Jax is sleeping in Alvi's baby crib, again, still in our room, and Alvi is currently napping and sleeping parts of the night in her baby swing, right next to my bed.
Their official bedtime is 8:30. What do I do with all of this free time? I plan, clean, and most of all, I take a big, deep breath and I pray for tomorrow to be better. Always.
My bed is near empty, but my heart is so full. My babies are getting older and I'm in awe watching them learn, grow, and become their own little people.
Everyday I pray for the grace, kindness, and love that they need to continue growing into the amazing individuals they are becoming.
I pray for a quiet voice, an open heart, and sometimes patience even though that one scares me sometimes. We may not want to face the tests God will send to grant us the gift of patience, but if we don't, how will we ever grow?
This day came a lot quicker than I thought it would. THey say if you blink 50 years will go by, and I'm slowly seeing the truth behind that.
Luci starts kindergarten this fall, and I am terrified. Not because I feel like she won't succeed, because I am ready to watch her soar. But, where did my baby go? The one that made me a mom. I look at her and I see a mini version of myself, still unscathed by the outside world, ready to conquer each and everyday and quite frankly, it is just scary.
Being a mom is scary, but when you look at what our world is coming to, it can be absolutely soul wrenchingly terrifying. How will we ever truly prepare them? Have we done enough, too much, what did we miss?
As parents we made the choice to bring them into this world, and we have to wake up everyday and continue to prepare them for the world as it continues change.
Instead of succumbing to the fear, I tell you to pray. Pray like your child's life depends on it, because really, it does.
Pray for the right tools and lessons to teach them so they can feel invincible when they do take their first steps into the world without you. Give them the confidence to go all in, unafraid of failing and aiming for their best.
We won't always be there to hold their hands when life gets messy, but we can do our very best to prepare them for these times.
Today, hold them a little longer, squeeze them a little tighter, and remind them how incredibly remarkable they are and all of the great things they are going to do for the world someday.