End the Stigma

I’ll say it until the stigma ends.

Mental. Health. Matters.

If you’re someone that candle handle the mess and chaos without having to take a step back; I applaud you. Really, I do.

I am not you. I cannot do it. I’ve tried. I still try, and I almost always wait too long. Too long to step back from the overwhelming screaming and yelling, fighting and massive meltdowns.

It drains me. My children don’t always give the reprieve of love and cuddles at the end of the day. Most times they’re still screaming as I put them to bed. Even well into the night. It’s a phase, I know it’ll pass. But it hasn’t yet.

I go to bed exhausted, they rarely sleep, the dog barks all night, and I wake just as tired as the day before, if not more so.

I love my children with my whole entire self. I’d never know what to do with myself if they didn’t exist. I’m not sure I would exist if it weren’t for them.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t need to take a deep, all consuming breath to be able to come back and love them better than I did earlier.

Today, I flew by the seat of my pants. I took my second to youngest sister with me, and we went and got our nails done.

Radio all the way up, windows all the way down, hair down, and nothing but the open road in front of us.

I’ve only had my nails professionally done a couple times in my life, but I can tell you I absolutely love it. It’s relaxing and whether I’m fancy or not, I feel just a little bit fancy with them done.

My anxiety makes me a “picker.” I pick everything. My lips. My skin. Nail polish. I cannot help it.

With fancy nails, there’s nothing quite there to pick. It all feels like one nail, nothing is separate. I don’t even mind they draw attention to my vitiligo. I’m learning to love that part of myself, too.

Everything is a process. It takes time. Work. Effort. So, with that, I say keep going. Keep cheering yourself on. No one can love you quite the way you love yourself, and only God can love you more.

Choose to be whole. Do what makes you whole, not happy. Fill your life with things that can’t be taken away. Set your soul on fire.

Mental. Health. Matters.

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