There are things happening in my family currently that make me physically sick with stress. Eating is difficult. Sleeping, thinking, and making decisions are difficult. Last night was the first night in a week my phone didn’t ring in the middle of the night, so my exhaustion level is even more so than normal. It would be nice if life and solutions were cut and dry, but what would life be without lessons?
This happens to be someone else‘s decisions that somehow have a lesson for me underneath. What the lesson is though, I cannot even fathom. This is hard. Harder than anything that’s been thrown my way for years. I never thought we would see this day, but here it is. Full force, in our faces, here. Satan has the reigns and try as we may, nothing is helping. Nothing.
For several reasons, I can’t share full details, but what I can say is that addiction is hell. Not just for those who suffer from them, but also their families, friends, loved ones, anyone that wants to help them. Especially when the person is unwell, and unable to realize they need help. Trying to get someone help who doesn’t think they need it, before their utter doom, is hell.
Constant worry, second guessing, what if’s, it never ends. It’s all a constant mind game that is entirely exhausting, both physically and mentally. But, at some point, we have to accept we have zero control over others, their choices, or their actions.
I’ve somewhat accepted that this is something entirely out of my control, and I cannot force help that isn’t wanted. For multiple reasons, it’s time to take a step back and let things run their course. I still love this person very, very much. But, until he’s ready for help, the rest of us are out of options. We’ve exhausted every Avenue, every line of help we can think of, and we continue to come up empty.
If you’re currently struggling with an addiction of any kind - I pray that this leads you to seek help. Recognize you’re hurting and could use a hand to help pull you to your feet. I will tell you how much your family, friends, loved ones, are hurting. This is so painful and they are truly helpless. You have to want to help yourself before anyone else can help you.