Friends are hard for this girl. Very hard. Survival brain says friends are dangerous and can lead to nothing more than pain and more damage.
I very much remember my early days of being a mama, and even more so when we moved to a town twenty minutes away from where I grew up. Not that I had friends to leave behind, but my mom was my only person. I stayed home with little Luci, but Brett still had a full time job he had to work. It varied from nights to days, to whatever else in between. His family was close, like next door close, but it just wasn’t ever the same as my own mom.
Our towns population is 98% old people. Don’t get me wrong, I love my old folks. They’re the best. But, they don’t have babies anymore and it’s hard to socialize kiddos when you don’t have friends, or really the opportunity to make them in a town where there aren’t any young moms. I absolutely love it here, and the only thing that would get me to move is if it were to the country. Our location made making friends more difficult, not only because there was no one near, but any friendships formed would include one or the other having to make a drive of sorts. If you have kids, especially more than one, you understand the instant sigh that comes with the thought of leaving the house. No, thank you.
I’ve come so far, and can now say I’m overly blessed with the absolute best. My schedule may be hectic, full, and very busy, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I have such a variety of friends in my small handful of the ones I’ve made that stuck around for our chaos. God knew I didn’t need a lot, just a few very wonderful, loving, kind, and just as wild as our family, kind of friends.
Heck, I even convinced one of them to move a block up from me! How cool is that? In case you’re wondering, extraordinarily cool. I’m no longer alone like I used to be. Those days were long, lonely, sad, and sometimes left me feeling utterly lost. I spent so much time on the phone with my mom to try to keep my sanity, and I had no idea what each next day would hold for my emotional heart.
We aren’t mean to be alone. God didn’t create billions of people for us to go this journey without help, validation, people to lift us up and give us a firm place to stand when we’re weak. He gave us our very own little villages, and if you don’t have yours yet, mama, they’re coming. I promise, you won’t have to do this alone forever.
I spent the first roughly 3.5-4 years of motherhood feeling entirely alone and lost. Please, if you’ve always had your village, understand that of course I loved my baby with my whole heart, and I thoroughly enjoyed every second I spent raising her. If you’ve never felt what it’s like to only have a baby/toddler to talk to on the daily, it might be a little hard to understand. I’m not an overly outgoing person, so when you mix some defensive brain in with that, you end up with no one but your close family. It gets very lonely, and no matter how hard it is to make friends, you start to desperately wish you could figure out how.
I pray that you, the sweet person reading this, doesn’t know this pain and feeling of aloneness. If you do, I’m here to tell you not to give up. Your tribe is coming. It may be taking longer than you had hoped, but they’re on the move, my friend. You won’t always have to go this alone. God has bigger plans for you, it just takes a bit of time sometimes.