Head Above Water

By one o’clock I was torn between feeling overly accomplished and only seeing a mountain of things that still need done.

Alvi spent most of the night kicking me and telling me no and go. Followed by pushing me out of bed at 6:30.

Well, breakfast it is then.

The other two were up right behind her, so we ate and headed out to do chores before 7:30.

We had a fly problem in the coop due to some extra water the ducks were throwing around so I worked on cleaning up what I could while Alvi ran around with just a shirt, no diaper. She pooped and off came the diaper. Our yard is pretty neat and the back sits much lower than the surrounding yard making it difficult for neighbors to see what kind of crazy we have going on.

Brett ended up having a drive in day, and we spent the entire afternoon and evening enjoying some serious family fun time. Fun we haven’t had in ages.

We played with the garden hose, the kids’ soccer net came today so we worked on ‘no hands’ and teaching daddy it’s okay if the little ones score a goal. He may be ever so slightly competitive and has no idea how to lose at absolutely anything at all ever. We’re working on that.

He’s the sweetest and took baby Alvi up to his mom’s for the night again so that I could get some real, hard sleep with the other two tonight. They have a dentist appointment first thing in the morning and I’m just trying to spare the dentist of getting bit in one of their feisty moods they tend to get with little sleep.

I chose to make a phone call today and I knew it was going to be tough. I nearly barfed and cried through most of it. I needed some help with something, and if you know me maybe even just a tiny bit, it’s easy to see I don’t do that and would rather be entirely self sufficient.

Things in my past make it difficult for me to reach out in big situations, because there were some people along my journey who made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of being saved. So, save yourself or drown is how my brain functions.

It was a big first step in a new direction, and I pray I made the right choice. Sometimes we have to admit we need saving before we go ahead and let ourselves drown. Why make it this far, just to give up?

There’s a story I really love, and it goes something like this:

There was a man in the ocean whose ship had wrecked. He had enough wood to fit himself on, but needed rescuing. He prayed and prayed, asking God to help him.

A man came upon him in a boat and offered to pull him from the ocean. The man declined telling him God was going to save him. The man sort of shook his head and went on his way.

Then came a second boat, and even a third. The man told all three to go on, God was going to save him.

Guess what? The man drowned.

When he got to heaven he asked God why he didn’t choose to save him.

God’s answer?

“I did. I sent you three boats and you turned them all away.”

How often does God send you help, and you politely decline telling Him you’ve got it under control, you can handle it on your own?

Coming from someone who gets physically ill over ask for help..

Stop it! Out of pure love, I ask you to stop.

We were never meant to do this all on our own. When we pause to realize that God’s been trying to help us all along and we’ve either been being stubborn or choosing to ignore it because it may feel like asking God for guidance is too much. Or maybe not wanting to accept what His answer for help is in our situation.

You don’t have to barely survive. God sends us angels all the time, you just have to remember to let them help when they extend a hand to help pull you back to your feet.

Maybe it’s being a 90’s baby, I’m not sure, but I’m recent years Avril Lavigne released a new song called Head Above Water, and just when I thought she couldn’t be any cooler, she proved me wrong.

I never thought I’d see a “Jesus” song from her, not in a million years. Which could be said to be judgmental of me, and that’s not something I ever intend to do, but it was simply shocking when I stumbled upon it. Not so shockingly, at just the right time, in just the right moment, here was this song that my soul needed to help pull my head back above the water.

If you feel so inclined, give it a listen. It’s truly a soul touching song.

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