Here’s the thing about healing -
I don’t think the healing part is actually the hardest.
It’s when you realize that even though you’re healing, working through the pain, getting better, it doesn’t mean that the people around you are, too. Or that they even care. That’s just the truth.
At some points, this truth has been so painful I’ve wanted to quit. Why would I heal if people are going to continue inflicting wounds on me, when they know I’m trying to get better? Because you and the people close to you that love you unconditionally deserve it. Let those people keep those demons to yourself, and you keep digging to rise from the ashes.
Eventually, you’ll have empathy for those people and they way they choose to live. It doesn’t mean they stay on your journey with you. Sometimes the only real way to heal is to remove the people who have no regard for your journey. And that my friends, is really hard to accept.
May they be friends, family, or bystanders, it’s still painful in some form or another. The thing about that pain, though? It’ll get easier to manage. Accepting what is, and that they have zero control over your emotions, healing, choices, is the most freeing thing. No one can make you feel anything unless you give them that control. Don’t do it. They aren’t walking your journey and your paths are most likely very different.
I was naive and never thought that my dislike for someone or things about them truly was because it maybe wasn’t the kindess, fairest way to be. But, I’m finding a lot of truth with my therapist, and that means the things that trigger and upset me about other people? That is caused by something deeply rooted in myself that I don’t care for, without realizing the reason.
For some privacy reasons, as to not start an unnecessary war, the specifics of who is who will be left out. Yesterday, we worked on shoveling some poo off the top of the pile, and wouldn’t you know, something, someone entirely unrelated to the situation that was causing me grief was the root of why I feel how I do. Deep rooted pain, feelings of unworthiness, undeserving, uselessness was tied to an entirely different and old part of my story. These feelings are still causing wounds in other spaces of my life. So, what do we do? We heal those wounds and I can start to continue freeing myself of frustration and anger.
I can start to feel deserving, worthy, loved, truly, someone worth fighting for. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who can save the parts of you that you don’t want to lose. You can talk to friends, family, a therapist, and get all the advice and how-to’s for mending your life, but only you can enforce what you’ve been taught.
Take the judgement of others, the unhealed parts of them and all, and find your empathy for them instead of letting them take away your happiness. I promise, it feels so much better than being angry and bitter.