Holy Cannolis

Yikes. I’m 6 days out from my last post.

We spent last weekend taking the kids to the national balloon classic and local county fair, and if that weren’t enough I spent nearly the whole week so far with a migraine.

Monday was a doctor appointment day, Tuesday was another day of appointments and errands, and Wednesday was supposed to be deposition day.

God was on my side and I thank Him for it, because the deposition was cancelled a few hours prior. My heart says that even though I was stressed beyond measure, I managed to somewhat keep my cool for the nine days I knew prior, instead of going bonkers like normal, and He knew it just wasn’t something I could handle. I spent many nights without sleep, scripting, a pounding heart, heartbroken that it had come to this, and struggling that none of these things are my responsibility.

The house has been a complete disaster, the kids have gotten to spend a fair amount of time with grandma, and the blog has taken a small hit.

When you do it all on your own without backup content ideas and extra hands for writing, keeping up can be difficult when life happens. I used to do weekly posts, but when I upped my game I didn’t realize how hard it could be to keep up.

Conquering these things with a migraine wasn’t an easy feat, but as the main parent you don’t get many choices in how things go. You just do it.

My heart is in a season of sadness and I can’t quite seem to find my way out. I pray, I see my therapist, I step away from social media, and it hasn’t seemed to make much of an impact. We have so many different angles to our life right now and finding balance feels impossible.

Writing a blog in a sad season isn’t easy to do. Especially when you‘re not even entirely sure why you’re sad. You know, but knowing doesn’t make kicking it any easier.

Today we took advantage of tax free weekend and took Luci girl to get her school supplies, clothes, and some new shoes. Mommy and daddy got to spoil her and treat her to lunch, just the three of us.

School starts in just a couple weeks and my heart just doesn’t know what to do. Where did the last five years go? Why does it feel like I wasted them away, taking them for granted? I know I didn’t, but mom guilt. It never ends. We just have to be gentle with ourselves and remember we’re doing our best, even on our worst days. There are no bad days, just ones that are much tougher than others.

We all go through different seasons. Some last longer than others, most all look different from one person to the next, but we all need help and support to help us make it to the other side. We could all use a kind word, a break, a second to close our eyes. Heck, it’s not even tomorrow yet and I already need a nap.

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel your feelings. Just don’t stay there and let them overtake you. Life isn’t easy, but no one ever said it would be. You have to fight like hell if you want to see your dreams and wants come to life, and I do my best every single day to make sure my littles know that the only one stopping them from reaching the stars is them. Mommy stands behind them and I sure won’t let them fall. If I do anything right in this life, it’ll be these little lives that God blessed me with the opportunity to love, water, nurture, and grow them.

I see you, tired mama, dad, caregiver. Keep goin’. You’re doing your very best, and your kids thing you’re the coolest person in the whole world.

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