Jax is Four!

Jax turned the big four today!

Mom did her Monday morning mental health check in, came home and made chocolate cupcakes, frosting, and energy ball bites.

Kiddo’s still took naps, got to feed the chickens some corn on the cob, and Dairy Queen for Jax’s choice of dinner.

Thank you to the people who didn’t judge when Alvi threw herself flat on the floor in Dairy Queen because only Jax, Luci, and daddy got a gum ball out of the fancy machine. I appreciate you. I’ve never had a child that was willing to do that before, so it’s still new territory.

We had to make a “quick” Walmart stop for paint and ended up waiting 45 minutes just to get someone to the counter. It took 4 people, 3 intercom pages (one I called the front desk in the store and asked for), and finally a young worker who actually went and scoured the store to find someone.

They didn’t have the brand I wanted, so we went with the other option she offered, only to find out that was out of stock, too, and she was kind enough to go out to the unloaded truck to check and find that they had one case of the brand I originally wanted, letting me walk away with paint instead of empty handed.

The kids waited so patiently for so long that when their patience finally ran out, I let them run in circles and be a bit loud. They earned it. Most everyone that saw them just smiled, whether it was a disappointed or understanding smile, I truthfully don’t care. This is my circus and I run it

Oh, and I can’t forget the part where Brett lost the car keys somewhere I Walmart and while he searched the store I ended up finding them in the diaper bag.

We made it home just before 8, frosted Jax’s Stegosaurus cupcakes, played with new chalk as it got dark out, cleared out 90% of our front room so the walls can be mudded and painted this week, and I put my kids to bed dirty.

Yep. You read that correctly. They went to bed without a good scrubbin‘. Don’t worry, Karen, they’ll get a bath/shower in the morning and the sheets were due to be washed anyway. I’ve still yet to decide if I’ll be showering or not, but at the very least I’ll wash my face.

Jax had the very best birthday, and he’s very impatiently awaiting this weekend when he will get not one, but two birthday parties. Which means two cakes, multiple sets of presents, long long days, and no naps. But, it’s all going to be just fine.

Today, I was reminded of something very important. My heart has been sad and things have been a struggle lately, and they still are, but a different perspective is all I needed to help ease these feelings.

Stop looking out at others and what they’re doing/not doing for you or to you. You can’t change them, and they don’t need to validate you or make you feel worthy. You can do it for yourself.

My homework for the week is to turn my focus inwards. Focus on myself. What I can do for myself to feel worthy, important, and no longer inadequate.

There will still be minor down falls along the way, but the more you focus inward instead of waiting for others to do something differently, the more you’ll be able to validate yourself all on your own.

You don’t need the approval or validation of social media, family, certain friends or acquaintances to know you’re doing the right thing. If it feels right and makes you feel like you’re on the right path, keep doing what you’re doing.

You’ve got this.

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