Last Piece of Toast

Being a mom means that when there are only 3 slices of bread left and you have 3 children, you won’t be having a piece of toast with your dinner. Having kids means learning to sacrifice and put someone else before yourself. I don’t mind going without my toast, these littles love it so much I know they’ll enjoy it more than I would anyway. Heck, maybe I’ll eat Alvi’s scraps if she doesn’t finish hers.

Therapist visit was this morning, psych called to cancel and reschedule, followed by a trip out to see my grandparents and mama with the littles.

I’m so tired I can’t even see straight, we’re sunburnt because I forgot sunscreen, and the kids are only half finished with dinner and still require baths because they’re dirty, scroungy children. At today’s session, we created a mental box for me to put the situations, events, and things that cause my distress in one way or another. They will go into this box until I am ready to address the underlying issue as to what really upset me. I.E. the past, hidden below trauma.

EMDR is the name of the type of therapy we’re doing for anyone who would like to look into the kind of work being done. It’s actually really neat, and it has worked wonders for me so far.

Next session we will be working to address and conquer a more recent situation that has been triggered by the weather change. It boils down to my lack of need for friends and closeness to others. It‘s a safety response to keep myself from connecting to others, but when I do, and they harm me emotionally, it’s a lot harder to move on from than it should be. My mindset and heart have to be changed, my self talk has to be improved, and I have to believe in myself a lot more than I currently do.

Watching, feeling, and seeing the growth that God is currently creating in my soul and life is magnificent. They’re not all immediate and permanent fixes. It takes time and work, but I know He has big things in store for our family.

I continue to watch Him create beauty from the ashes, and time and time again, it reduces me to a puddle of tears to think of how entirely loved and watched over I am. God says I’m worthy, and it’s time I start treating myself the same way.

Tomorrow will be a good day, I just need to snag a little bit of sleep first. Wish us luck as we head off to bath and bedtime, and sleeping in their own beds again tonight. Alvi even slept in her crib part of the night last night, and I’m really hopeful it’s going to happen again tonight.

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