There is such a stigma around mental health, and that shouldn’t even be a thing. Mental health is important, and we can’t always do it on our own. Many people who struggle have a chemical imbalance, and that’s not something that corrects itself at the snap of your fingers.
April 6th. We have an official start date, and I am beyond ready. A therapist is long over due and I’m ready to get moving, but it’s on God’s time and not mine.
I started a few years ago with someone I clicked exceptionally well with, and it just so happens she’s booked out until the first week of April. I’m willing to wait because she is that good. Plus! The cost of each visit has dropped $40 since I last went and that itself is a huge blessing. Mental health can be rather expensive, and I do know there are options that can make it almost or entirely free, but I’m picky. I can’t just “connect” with anyone, and to make progress comfort is something I need, and the time it took to find my gal the first time is unreal. But I am thoroughly dedicated to not wasting only my time, but whoever’s office I decide to step into.
Life continues throwing new things my way, but I’m taking them with gentle strides as much as humanly possible. I know that this too shall pass, it’s just taking a little bit more work than I had hoped, and April still feels an eternity away. I know, I know, I sound like a drama queen, but I’ve never been more excited to get myself on a better path. A real, actual meaningful path.
My brain is in overdrive with this whole “survival” mode thing, and it seems like lately it‘a somehow managing to get worse. I should have taken care of it years ago, but, again, God’s timing and not mine. There is a reason for everything. Every trial, every season, every storm, they all have an end and on the other side you will be grateful for the heartache and the trouble it took to get you where you are now, even though it doesn‘t feel that way right now. Especially if there’s something on your heart that you want now, but it may not fit the timing of where you’re at.
My mama heart has been so conflicted lately with whether or not to have just one more baby, but after some discussion with Brett, we have decided to wait and see how we feel in a few months to a year, once I’ve completed the steps to getting my mental health into real actual shape, and not just temporary fixes, and going from there. In the end, it will be God’s final word that says what is to come, but I do pray that another little babe may be in our cards.
Being a mama gives me the utmost joy and entire feeling of completeness. There are days I feel much less than capable, but I know that God wouldn’t have given me my little mini humans if they hadn’t been meant for me. They give me a purpose. They drive me to get up everyday and aim to be a kinder, gentler, more patient human and they are a huge drive to my need to get my mental health in check.
We as individual, are not the only ones who suffer when our mental health goes unattended. Personally, I get tightly wound, my anxiety skyrockets, my cleaning goes into hyperactive overdrive and perfection doesn’t feel attainable (mainly because it’s not,) but those around us don’t know the best way to guide us to the other side.
God’s timing doesn’t always seem right to us, but we have to trust He has a purpose for the pain, a reason for each season, and a good reason for asking us to wait just a little bit longer.