Raise A Hallelujah

Yesterday we skipped church in the morning but I attempted to leave Alvi and B home while taking the other two to a night of worship they were having.

Let’s just say it didn’t go the greatest, even without the little ray of sunshine.

I’d say about 90% was pure singing and I absolutely loved it when the kids weren’t asking if it was almost over, when we could go home, if they could have a snack, or letting me know they were cold. I did get a good 5 minutes of talking to God in, and He used a song I listen to fairly often to speak to me.

“I'm gonna sing, in the middle of the storm

Louder and louder, you're gonna hear my praises roar

Up from the ashes, hope will arise

Death is defeated, the King is alive!”

I Raise A Hallelujah - Bethel Music.

No matter how hard things keep getting or how many times we get knocked down, our family will continue to push forward. To get back up and give it another go. Even when so many things don’t make any sense, and I promise nearly none of these things do. We will continue to fight.

I put my make up on today. Twice.

The kids were grumpy, per usual.

I hit road construction right as my therapists‘ receptionist called at 8:16 to reschedule my appointment to tomorrow morning instead of my 9 a.m. I was already driving to.

I drove home because my nail salon wasn’t going to be open for another two hours, and I was frustrated, upset, sad, and confused anyway. I needed time to recoup, regroup, and start over. Thank the Lord B can handle myself and all my glory. It’s not always so much fun.

The lady didn’t get my nail length or color right, again. I’ll just find a new one to try in a few weeks, no big deal.

I swung over to Arby’s since I had eaten yet and ordered a French Dip.

’Cept they handed me my bag and didn’t have the lid all the way on my Au Jus sauce so when it hit my lap it poured from the container soaking my everything entirely and burning just slightly. My entire meal was ruined just like that, and I still needed to be able to run into Walmart.

I calmly took all of my meal that had fallen through the bottom of the sack back inside to explain what happened, wet pants and all, and they were kind enough to replace it. The guy at the counter felt terrible and I think it got worse when I started crying. He told me to have a better day, and I really have tried. It’s getting there. Slowly.

I was too stubborn to skip Walmart so I dug a sweatshirt out of the back, tied it around my waist, and went it to do my business. I’ve never made a faster in and out trip to that store in my whole adult life.

The rest of the day, so far, had been fairly uneventful, and I am not complaining. B had the day off so he had the kids a good portion of the day, it’s almost time for dinner and showers, and we’ll finally be getting around to watching the 6th Harry Potter movie since Averi arrived this morning for the week.

It’s been such a battlefield in our life lately, and I keep losing sight of all the good things I have surrounding me.

I haven’t gone into depth on all things, but our/my plate is overflowing. It’s easy to look at someone’s life or read the things they share and think they don’t really have it that bad, that what’s happening isn’t that big of a deal.

Someone else’s plate might be smaller than yours, it might be more flimsy than yours, like a throw away paper plate, but the biggest thing, is that no matter what, it isn’t your plate to judge.

The thing about God, is that He gives us what we can handle, not what the next door neighbor, your parents, your friends, or that fancy mom on IG can handle. Our stories and strengths look different.

Don‘t beat yourself up for not getting dressed today, putting on make up, folding the laundry, making a gourmet meal, or feel like you’ve let yourself down. You haven’t come this far to quite, and neither have I. It may be a bumpy road now, but tomorrow is always a chance for something better.

We may not see our healing or triumph on this side of life, but it’ll make reaching the end of the journey so much sweeter.

Every single day that things don’t get better, the next thing happens, I don’t think I can get kicked any harder? Those are the days I’m going to fight like hell to see tomorrow. Pain does not create strength. Strength comes when you choose to stand back up.

I choose to stand. No matter how hard. No matter how ungraceful it may look, I will stand back up. I am a lioness, hear me roar.

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