Oh, my sweet mama’s. We need to talk.
You cannot, and I repeat, cannot spoil your children with love and affection.
Holding your baby all day everyday? Not going to spoil them. Responding to your baby’s every cry? Nope. Making sure your child’s needs are met? Still will absolutely not spoil them.
Toys, treats, physical items - all have the power to spoil a child. Love and affection do not.
As humans, children of God, we’ve so graciously been granted souls. Those souls were given to us with a base need for love and affection. They provide us with comfort, peace, joy, the feeling of worth, and that we are needed and valid.
Take the Nazi’s view on parenting in the 1930’s if you will, and gauge our need for love to not only thrive, but survive. Johanna Haarer was a pulmonologist that was somehow deemed a child-rearing expert and people actually raised their children according to her “expertise.”
Mothers were advised to feed, bathe, and dress their babies. Nothing more, nothing less. Do not react to your baby’s cry. Don’t comfort, love, or interact with them. Do you know what happened? Some babies didn’t survive infancy, and the ones that did had severe attachment and social deficiencies, which is thought to still be affecting the current generation, all these years later.
Just the thought of not snuggling my children, responding to their needs, and caring for them in general makes me anxious. But, nothing makes me crazier than people telling me that I am spoiling my children when I react to every cry, every want to be held, and every request for attention.
Do I still need a break and to step away at times because of long periods of crying? You betcha. But, that’s not the topic this time.
Please, if you only ignore one thing from others input, hold your stinkin’ baby! You are growing them in so many ways! You’re instilling trust, the ability to bond with others, increasing their serotonin levels, and providing them comfort.
Someday, they will be prepared for the world, because you provided the intimate affection they needed to plant and grow themselves. Don’t deny them what they require just because Kathy from three houses down says you’re going to spoil them. Don’t allow yourself to be mom-shamed by someone who isn’t raising your children. We struggle with shaming ourselves enough already. We don’t have to let other people do it for us.
Milk spoils; children do not.