The “Lesson” Friends

Updated: Aug 29

“Mama, how come we don’t see ‘so and so’ anymore?”

A simple question, and really, an easy answer, but tough to explain to a child.

The people who come into our lives as a lesson when we have children, and especially when they have littles the same age so they become good friends, are some of the harder things to walk through.

A little over a year ago a friendship of ours ended quite abruptly for the kids, but they didn’t question it because we had a fair amount of things going on. Their little curious minds were too busy with other things.

Not everyone we meet is meant to stay. There are people who come for a season and some who stay a lifetime. We have people that are lessons, blessings, those we are meant to help, and then the ones who become family and stay forever.

After Luci’s first day of school and being around a lot of kids, her mind wandered back to a year ago and it prompted her to ask why we these friends don’t come over anymore. I’m not even sure she has a concept of time with how much later she’s question it, and as if it’s only been a short time.

I had to take a breath and ask her to let me answer later. She’s only five, and she needed the age appropriate answer sans details of the hurt and damage that was done that lead to the ultimate demise of a friendship that had already been riddled with red flags, but I tend to ignore them and felt more obligated because it wasn’t just me that would be losing out. The kids would be losing the friend they had grown so close to.

We ended up discussing that this friend of mommy’s made some choices, and said and did a few things that were not very nice and she wasn’t someone that mommy could be friends with anymore. I know that’s a tough concept for a little mind, but I also hope it helps her later on when she may be faced with whether or not a friend she makes is choosing to do the right things when no one is looking, or if they’re making not so great choices and don’t want to make better choices.

My child has every right to still be friends with said person‘s child later in life should the opportunity arise, and I won’t make a fuss about it. Not a word. But, while they’re still little and the other is not yet in school, talking to her friend’s mom just isn’t something I can do.

We have our nice variety of people but it doesn’t make the ones who are lessons any less difficult when things come to a close. We live and we learn, and I can only pray that this most recent ”lesson’ friend we had taught me that red flags are important, and the sooner we see that things are amiss we can walk away and save ourselves much much more hurt.

I let people take advantage of the things I’m willing to do to help those who need it, and I really need to work on it. I am, actually, but there’s always room to keep improving. The less I pour into those who are taking advantage, the more I can share and love on those who appreciate it and remember that I, too, have limits and a cup of my own to keep full.

It gets better. It really does. It just takes time, some prayer, a good therapist, and accepting that you’re only responsible for yourself, and not everyone can be saved.

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