Somedays get overwhelmingly hard when sadness takes over, and it’s all I can do to complete my normal daily tasks. Feed the kids (three times, at least), scoop the litter, feed the animals, clean up toys, wash laundry, brush little teeth, kiss boo-boos, hug tired, overwhlemed kiddos, pick up more toys, ball practice (depending on the day), brush the girls’ hair, put them to bed.
I took my first shower in three days tonight. Gross, right? Welcome to motherhood. I tossed the kids in right alongside me and we got everyone washed and hair clean, their teeth brushed, read some books, and now they’re camped out on the couch because I don’t have the will power to conquer getting them to sleep in their own bed.
Lord, have mercy. It never ends. I used the rest of my energy to shower, and then stepped in dog pee. Twice. Thank you, Yankee. Even after just being outside, and a being let out a bajillion other times, too.
Auntie Kait spent the day with us and I soaked up all the baby snuggles since Alvi has me leaning towards continuing to wait on whether or not we have another little beam of our own. The kids had ball practice tonight, and that meant we had to miss Averi’s first night of tournaments this weekend. We’ll be able to get to her game in the morning, and even Brett will get to go. Then, of course, Sunday, at least until we have to have the littles back for their game in the afternoon.
Our days are busy, tiring, and still worth it when bedtime finally comes. I won’t lie to you, I’m currently hiding in the bathroom with a grown up mommy drink waiting on the kids to fall asleep so I can crawl in bed and watch an episode or two of my newest series I’ve started. Am I ashamed in any way whatsoever? Absolutely not. I’ve earned this.
I missed getting to post yesterday, but I was out of motivation by the time everyone went to bed. Sadness has a terrible way about draining any extra energy we have as parents. There are so many things tugging at my heart, and guess how much control I have over said things? That’s right. Absolutely none. I can only control the actions of myself, and no one around me. I cannot make their choices, or change their minds, I can only accept what is, and do my very best for my tiny humans.
God knows I’m trying. He sees my heart, and He can feel what I’m feeling. The answers will come with time, and things are going to get better. I don’t have some big spiel tonight, just that life is tough. Life is an endless road of mountains and trials, but it does get better. Our kids aren’t little and fully dependent on us forever, the messes will stop when they move out, the schedules will be less and less frantic, and your home will be quiet. I know I’m going to miss this someday, but it’s okay that I don’t feel that way tonight. My children are my whole entire world, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take a few hours to myself to recoup and get ready for another chaotic day tomorrow.
It gets better, friend. If it’s not better, it’s not the end. Please keep going. Take another step. Even if it’s a baby one. My door is always open, my phone is always on. You need someone? Give me a buzz. I’ll do my best. Just, please, don’t give up on yourself.