The Past is Always Present

I am not broken. I do not need fixed.

I do need healing.

A mix of old and new trauma and wounds are surfacing in my everyday life, and my people and myself deserve better than old pain causing new problems.

Today was the first step in the right direction, the first day of a new path, and the first day there’s a game plan that’s been put in place to work on closing some old chapters, and finally putting a few very uncomfortable things to bed.

I clean obsessively and have a disconnect between myself and everyone around me, including my sweet, sweet babies.This stems from feeling like I don’t have control in one way or another. It’s how I disassociate from life, feelings, stress, anything that could cause more wounds or make me uncomfortable.

As aware as I am of my struggles, I obviously don’t have all the answers and I cannot properly tend to my wounds. I’m simply not qualified.

This is where my therapist comes in. She is able to fill in the blanks and assure me that I am, in fact, not broken. I need healing, not just to be fixed.

There is such a sickening stigma around therapy, and I just can’t understand or accept that. We all need help sometimes, and it isn’t always help we can provide for ourselves or to each other. There are people who go to school and get degrees for stuff like this. Why is it such a bad thing to admit you need help? Simply, it’s not.

I would rather go get the help I need than continue to let myself and my family suffer from trauma I have yet to heal from. My trauma does not, should not be their trauma. I do not have to let my past wounds affect my life today.

If you can feel that you’re not right, you’re struggling, you can’t seem to find the joy you’re looking and longing for, I ask that you open your mind to the idea of help. You don’t have to go it alone, and chances are, you‘re going to need someone with good qualifications. Needing help does not mean you are weak, incapable, broken, or undeserving of being better. It means you are human. If you need a starting point, I am more than happy to answer questions and send you leads. Please, just stop going it alone.

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