I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and pushing close to spiritually.
I cannot seem to get my sh*t together, and I can’t find where the disconnect is.
I’ve always longed for a quiet, peaceful life with my family. No drama, no pushing for unnecessary things. I am happy with simple. I find joy in simplicity. There’s no settling in this house, it is my legitimate goal; simple and quiet.
God has other plans right now, and He almost always has.
Being a people pleaser has me doing things that endlessly empty my cup. Heck, I’m surprised I don’t answer spam calls and just hand over my bank account number and social security.
Somewhere, I have to find peace. Somehow, I have to find peace.
Change has to start in our home, but I’m at a loss as to what can be done. My only hope is to raise my children in such a way that they don’t spend their adult years recovering from their childhood.
This last week or so, has been immensely difficult.
There’s that disconnect between the way my physical body and my soul are feeling, and that’s always been a rather difficult thing to navigate for myself.
Try as I might, I can’t get them on the same page. My faith is still strong, but my physical body is immensely defeated.
Knowing it’s Satan trying to pull me down, you’d think it would be easier to come back up, but it’s still tough as hell.
Life presents us with struggles daily, and they start to break down our physical body. Praying, reading the Bible, keeping up on devotionals, and more praying are ways I try to keep my soul in check. But, when you’re a mom to three small humans, rest for the physical body doesn’t come easily.
Someone needs a snack, or more water, help in the bathroom, and then add in the actual time you spend trying to play with them and you start to forget what rest even is.
I’m also an avid house cleaner, and when I’m down it never fails I have this overwhelming urge to rearrange the whole house. Is that even normal? Now, we have the start of a recipe for disaster.
Add to the bowl a helping of forces outside the home that affect things inside the home, and you’ve got yourself an F5 tornado to the body.
I’m constantly trying to find ways to persuade myself to rest during these times instead of pushing myself to the edge, but to no avail. It’s a never ending battle.
Self help books are a huge hit in my library now for the sake of managing myself better, and I tend to stick with faith based ones. Ones written without faith for a base nowadays become books about how to raise yourself up and forget about everyone else on the way there, and that’s not what the world needs.
Someday I hope to have a much better hold on these times, so they can be more infrequent and further apart, but for now, I don’t even have the answers myself.
I just pray that if you feel this, too, you seek ways to help yourself. Don’t let yourself continue to struggle snd feel alone and broken. This too shall pass, and things will get better. If not in this moment, that’s okay. Your break is coming.
Today, I leave you with one simple thing -
To let go, and let GOD.