Four Birthdays


I cannot today.

Alvi started her sh*t in the middle of the night & hasn’t stopped.

Luci’s face got hurt pretty bad on Sunday and she’s been telling everyone she doesn’t remember what happened.

I got a text from my boss/the principal because Luci forgot her lunch in the car when I dropped her at the bus, so I had to run a town over so the princess didn’t have a meltdown.

There was a frog stuck to the inside of my driver side window that I didn’t see until I was ALREADY driving.

The school called to see if I could sub tomorrow and I didn’t have the nuts to tell her I’m not going to be coming in at all anymore.

Our washer is still broken so I had to take dirty diapers up the road to wash.

Two construction guys watched me use a watering can to “water” one of the columns on the front of the house. (The dog marked it for twenty minutes so it needed cleaned.)

Then they stuck around and jack hammered a road sign into our yard.

Someone who gives me unpleasant feelings happened to drive by while I sat out front with crazy pants and had to drive super slow because of the construction guys.

We did get a discount on the vet bill we still owe because I was honest and told them we should have one after they lost the paper and never added it to our account, so that was a nice pick me up.

But, even better, there is a mama we’ve been praying for and her sweet little girl who is currently in the PICU, and after adding to our blessing funds we were able to send her $110 as a group.

The humbleness I’ve gained from starting this blog and the group we‘ve grown is endless, and I’m not ready to stop here. We have big plans in the works.

But, that doesn’t stop me from wishing the world would slow down if even for a second. It doesn’t have to stop, but a slow spin would be fine.

Today also happens to be Tanner’s birthday.

It’s his fourth birthday since he’s been gone.

He should be 26. Exactly 9 months and one week younger than me.

But instead he’s forever 22.

I don’t know why he was chosen to have CF. Someday I will, but especially not today.

I don’t know why I let the fear of losing him stop me from keeping him close.

Tanner taught me what it means to live in the here and now, to not leave things undone or words unsaid, and to make sure the people I love know it. And those are only a few of the many things I took away from losing him.

Someday I’ll see him again, this much I know. But until that day, I’ll hold him close to my heart.

If you’re newer and don’t know the amazing story of Tanner, please check out the “similar posts” attached below. You won’t be disappointed. His story is one to be told again and again.

Sweet Regards,


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